Tell others you are proud of them

Our four year-old son Tyler picked up a new phrase recently. We are guessing it came from his remarkable pre-school teacher, Miss Brianna. I was tucking him into bed and he reached his arm up over my shoulder and cupped his hand around the back of my neck. He pulled me in close and looked deeply into my eyes. That's when he said the words, "I am very proud of you." That made me feel pretty good. It also got me thinking: do I say those words often enough?

Telling others we are proud of them is a way to bless and encourage them. We may associate this with the pride condemned in God's Word but the concepts are not the same. Sinful pride is boasting in self. It is arrogance. It is thinking of yourself more highly than you ought. It is the opposite of humility. God hates this pride. In contrast, being proud of someone is simply delighting, finding satisfaction or finding joy in someone or in something they do (to loosely paraphrase Webster). We can be proud of others in a very God-honoring and healthy way.

To do this we need to be proud of others for the right reasons. Our satisfaction and joy should be based on biblical values and not society's values. We can be proud of others when they side with the outcast, when they are wronged and do not retaliate, when they are humble about successes, when they are gracious in defeat, when they persevere in difficulty, when they forgive others, and when they are faithful in small things. This is just an introductory list. The principle is that we are proud when their accomplishments, behaviors, character, or actions match the things commended in God's Word. This can have a powerful impact on us and on them. It reinforces both rationally and emotionally the truth of God's Word. Going beyond mere agreement with a biblical principle to being joyful and elated to see that principle lived out - this is what happens when we are proud of someone for biblical reasons. Verbally expressing this and sharing it with others only adds to the experience. We are modeling a love for others and a love for God's Word.

So, let's tell others we are proud of them and see what happens. Those of us with spouses and kids should start there. My guess is they will be blessed like I am every time my son tells me "I am very proud of you." We might be the means God uses to remind others of His grace and love at just the right time. In the process, we will be affirming and reinforcing things that are commendable.

Cultivating healthy ministry relationships

In his blog posting Tending the Weeds in Your Ministry Relationships , Paul Tripp gives some encouragement on facing your shortcomings and failures in ministry relationships. The closing paragraph is particularly impactful:

You don't have to be afraid of examining your ministry community, no matter how weedy it may be, because God meets you in your difficulty with his amazing grace. And you don't have to deny your failures because your standing before God is not based on your success, but on the perfectly successful life of Christ. So, even in failure, he blesses you with the grace of wisdom, patience, strength, and forgiveness. If you are God's children, it is never just you and your ministry partners, somehow hoping that you can work your way through your problems. No, there is a another Person who inhabits every situation and location of those relationships. He is with you, he is willing, and he is able to come to your aid. In fact, in his grace, he has made you the place where he lives. Perhaps for too long you have let the weeds of sin choke the life out of important ministry relationships. How about standing up and beginning to pull out the weeds? How about believing that, as you do, your Lord of love and mercy will give you just the grace you need at just the moment you need it?

I am thankful God gives us the grace to face our failures with humility and uses them as a reminder of his power and love.

Hope from God's Word and Greg Lucas

Biblical truth on hope is a valuable commodity. Greg Lucas gives some of that and more in his blog posting this week. I'm saving a link here because I know I'll need to come back to it later. Maybe you need it today.

http://sheepdogger.blogspot.com/2012/03/there-is-hope.html

Here is an excerpt:

We’ve all been there. We are fathers and mothers and men and women and children who have walked through this valley. We know this darkness well.

We also know the only light that can shatter this darkness is the light of the gospel. And so for us, the “If we had known...” has turned into “We now know...”. And because we know, we will proclaim the hope of the gospel to these desperate, hurting, and often hope-less families.

If you are reading this today, I want you to know that there is hope. No matter how dark it may seem--there is hope. No matter what you have done--there is hope. No matter how unknown your future may be, there is a gracious God that has gone before you to prepare the way. He stands with outstretched arms proclaiming through the cross of His Son, "there is abundant hope waiting for you!"

Those of us who have this hope have an obligation to share it with others. Similarly, when we receive comfort from God we are enabled to pass on comfort to others who need it. As the Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Breadth from Depth – Kevin DeYoung

We need to remember that making disciples cannot end at winning conversions. We must also equip and train unto maturity. This article from Kevin DeYoung's blog makes the point well.

Breadth from Depth – Kevin DeYoung

Collaboration or concensus?

In a recent board meeting, our President was sharing some thoughts on the Holy Spirit. Some statements he made about collective decision making were particularly impactful. I quickly jotted down a paraphrase in the notes I was taking as the minutes scribe:

When godly men come together and collectively say what should be done, this is when we can know we are acting on the will of God. When individually we seek the will of God we will collectively be moved by God. When the board moves collectively it gives us confidence to move forward. We can be most confident in God’s leading in a collective environment.

This is a great reminder and encouragement for anyone who is engaged in leadership among believers. Being a leader who is yielded to the Spirit and pursuing godliness is essential for effective contribution as a member of a decision making group. There truly is a great sense of confidence that comes from a group of godly individuals coming together in unity and deciding collectively on an issue. I have been able to observe this dynamic at work in a number of situations. It is a real blessing when you achieve consensus on an important decision.

In addition to being filled by the Spirit, I believe a number of key elements should be in place for collective decision making to be effective. First, everyone involved needs to be informed. My wife and I have had to make some big decisions on the care of our son Tyler who has cerebral palsy. It has been comforting when a group of doctors, therapists and specialists are all recommending the same procedure or treatment. Our comfort level would not have been nearly as high if the team had included people who had never observed Tyler or reviewed his medical history. A team of decision makers needs to be informed in order for the collaborative method to be effective.

Second, team members need to understand their own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes it may be best to remain silent and support others who are better equipped to lead through an issue. At other times the needs of a situation may make a team member uniquely capable of taking a primary role in the decision making process. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the other members of the team will help one discern what his or her role should be in a given situation. Achieving concensus often takes compromise and yielding to others. Humility, trust, and patience are needed to navigate through these situations.

Third, teams should have empowered leaders. This is one difference Harminia Ibarra and Morten Hansen identify between consensus decision making and collaborative decision making in their article entitled Are You a Collaborative Leader? in the July-August 2011 issue of Harvard Business Review. I believe it is an important distinction. Whereas in consensus decision making each person in a group has an equal vote, in collaborative group leaders are given authority to have the final say on decisions. Both collaborative and consensus decision making allow for pooling of wisdom and experiences. But, consensus decision making can be very slow and often may end in an impasse. In contrast, collaborative decision making leaves the opportunity for a consensus to be reached, but gives a leader the authority to make a decision when differing views persist. Consensus decision making should only be pursued when choosing to do nothing is a viable alternative. Often times, however, keeping the status quo is not an option. That is why the collaboritive approach to decision making is usually the better approach for a collective environment.

Finally, a decision needs to be conducive to a collective environment. Routine decisions do not warrant the additional effort and time required for collective decision making. Second, decisions that are very time critical are probably better suited to be made by individuals with processes and accountability structures in place. Third, decisions where there are a wide variety of valid opinions are also not good candidates for a collective approach. An example is setting ministry salaries. Church business meetings where members debate if their spiritual leader is worth his salary are horrible situations for making collective decisions. I remember a few of those situations growing up when my dad was the pastor. Nothing good comes from those debates.

Collective decision making can be a blessing. If pursued by godly individuals who are being led by the Spirit, it can result in wise decisions and a greater sense of confidence that a decision has been made correctly and in accordance with the Spirit's leading. While not all decisions can be made using collective methods, some offer the potential for unifying a group as they seek to follow God's leading.

Financial information does not always tell the whole story

Recently, I came across this quote attributed to Albert Einstein:

"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted."

This reminded me of one of the classic misnomers in stewardship -the idea that you can tell what is important to someone or to an organization by looking at their checkbook. This belief surfaces in statements like, "If you really valued my department you would be willing to invest more resources in it." In my personal life and professional experience overseeing budgeting for over a decade, there are many cases where these sentiments are plain false. In reality, many of the most important things have comparatively little or sometimes even no attributable financial cost. They count but they cannot be counted. And, a fairly expensive item may not be a top priority but could be a necessary cost of doing business. Importance does not always correlate with relative cost. Whether one is evaluating an individual or an organization, more than just financial information is needed to truly assess where priorities lie.

Wisdom and counsel for men

I am about half-way through What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him by Byron Forrest Yawn and have found it to be a great source of encouragement and edification. Byron’s writing is easy and enjoyable to read. I found myself engrossed in the biblical counsel and godly wisdom, which he unpacked in each chapter with a straight-forward, “hold no punches” style. Biblical teaching, life stories, and timely wit are effectively used to pass on gems of wisdom that apply to fathers and men in general. Along the way, Byron corrects many misconceptions that we have from our culture about what it means to be men. Here is one excerpt:

Ambition is not the same as having a dream. A dream is simply the raw material for aim and purpose. The dreamer is the guy who would like to do something without a clue as to how to do it. A dream is good to have, but usually isn’t tempered by reality. Dreamers frustrate those around them by false starts and wasted resources. A wise decision is what happens when a dream has looked reality in the face. It’s an awareness of what one can do in light of the cost involved in doing it. True ambition has both the courage and wisdom to get the dream off the ground.